Adult-Onset Skating Syndrome (AOSS)

So you're 30-something or 40-something and have never skated, or
skated a bit as a kid. But the sight of the skaters on TV gets
something going in the pit of your stomach so you get some skates and
take a few lessons. Next thing you know you're hooked! Some of the
symptoms of this disease are:

1) You start dreaming about sit-spins and double jumps.

2) You find yourself practicing spread-eagles while waiting for the
bus.

3) The major factor in choosing an apartment/vacation destination is a
nearby rink. Corollary: You know the day/hour of every skating session
within 50 miles.

4) You start planning your work and family life around your skating
sessions. Corollary: Your dog fetches your skates on command.

5) You put off buying clothes to pay for more coaching. Corollary: The
clothes you DO buy are made of Lycra and sequins.

6) You break in your skates by wearing them at work and slip on the
way to the printer, suffering a black eye.

7) You forget to take work clothes to the rink and end up spending
your work day in your skating costume. None of your colleagues seems
surprised.

8) You hype your Alpha test so much at work that your co-workers think
it's a qualifying event for Nationals.

If you notice any of these symptoms in yourself, you are suffering
from AOSS my friend! Subscribe to rec.sport.skating.ice.recreational.
At least you will have the compassion of others who are dealing with
this problem, and you may find the solution for centering that darned
scratch spin!